Knowing all the languages in the world could help you to really understand all the jokes you can hear... from my future Kids' Funny Business.
Wisdom of the Ages: "Brian Williams Week" Just like me in 2003, it looks like Brian Williams ended up "Between Iraq and a Hard Place.
I made a tactical error tonight with Wyatt." She paused "Horizontally." Sara laughed. "Again?
I may not beleive in God, but I believe in guilt and no one wants to dick around with eternity, even if it isn't there.
Ooh, big day in town for our park warden, I said. They’re even making you wear the uniform.Hayley’s mom will be happy. She thinks you look hot in it.Dad turned as red as his hair.Mom’s laugh floated o...
Whenever I wish to pay my respect to you, my middle finger says, it must first.
Sometimes you just gotta wear the tinfoil hat.
I imbue this place with my essence, every stone and every drop. My visit will do wonders for the flowers.Aly propped her chin on her hand. So does manure, she observed.
Even betting against myself, I could always find a way to lose.
The wife’s gotta know. You can’t hook up like that for what looks like about six or seven years without the wife figuring it out. Unless she’s another idiot.I’m not an idiot.Smiling, Roarke continued...
I haven't stopped looking for the good in people. I've just accepted the fact that I'm not always going to find it.
MY FRIEND: SO DO YOU TAKE A FOREIGN LANGUAGE CLASS?ME: SURE DO HAVE BEEN FOR THE LAST 13 YEARS.MY FRIEND: COOL WHAT LANGUAGE?ME: MATH.
I'm fascinated by idiots... Here's looking at you, kid!
How am I going to explain to my kids one day that I can't buy them a happy meal because the toy will make them fat?
Life before toilet paper was not worth living.
Wise men don't feel companionless when they are not in the company of their egos.
Hey, religious nuts! Please do not grow up. Just go up!
I wish you all the best in life. Hell, I will even write your obituary for free.
Humour sustains us during failure; more so after success, when we're prone to fail that much more, daring abyss, pumped up with success.
I love you all - if you are not people!
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