Top Humourous Quotes

Honestly I don't know why i have these partiesBecause of your catThat's true. Chairman Meow deserves my every effort

Just like you silly bums, I have a personal sky god. I bow to him, as you do to your airy-fairy sod. He prefers I call him Mr. NOT.

It sounded somewhat doom-laden, so I felt obliged to look it up more thoroughly, in case I should eat some chocolate rather quickly.

Bat stood in the open door and said I am a crime scene unit detective from the New York City Police Department, you heinous fucking mongoloid, and there is nothing I cannot do.

I get this buzz every time I'm quoted online. The ego high... yes... but also a Google Alert.

What did the soup say to the tea plate? "You're too shallow for me. I like deep dish to dip right into!" I still keep my British humour in good taste. No room for egos or rumours.

Children throw tantrums because they've imagined their 'father in heaven' does so. And because, their inherited religious book has, in written, shown them so.

I do not want to sound cynical or condescending, but your lips are moving, your mind unbending.

I never knew, apes talk. Apparently, you do.

You still are? There go my plans! And the suit I had bought to attend your funeral. Well, well. Anyway, do call me up when you an't.

All humans are rogues. Cured only by death.

I wish you well - if you will die. May you rest in peace.

Monkeying around with other apes, a monkey was made - called, HUMAN. God is great!

Most people are scumbags. Accept it. Let go. Chill out, douchebags.

I love religious nuts. They make me remember I have them too. So, being a health nut, I scratch them religiously. Just as I do my butt.

One girl raved about a nice voicemail a guy had recently left her. I kindly requested she play it and heard this gem: 'Hey, Lydia. It's Sam. Just calling to say what's up. Gimme a ring when you get a...

One can hardly do anything productive when one knows there is cake in the fridge.

There is nothing more American than buying a Japanese car on the 4th of July

Jimmy held on to the reins for dear life, and thought that a horse was about the most slippery creature to sit on that he had ever met. He slithered first one way and then another, and at last he slid...

But it is infamous that they have not told you!’ declared Eustacie. ‘Je n’en reviendrai jamais!’‘If it’s all the same to you, miss, I’d just as soon you’d talk in a Christian language,’ said Mr. Stubb...