Top Funny But True Quotes

Christians sometimes make themselves into elephants afraid of mice. You have the Creator of the universe on your side; not to mention, you've been given eternal life. 'Whom or what shall you fear?' To...

Growing up I sometimes imagined that for Christ's return perhaps He would appear as 'Black Jesus' to white people and 'White Jesus' to black people just to screw with the racists.

Little people make tall claims. As being this-that avatar or messiah. Some even say they're God. Well, if they are, I'm their grand-pop.

You might be an introvert if you were ready to go home before you left the house.

So, am I too, like all other humans, just a rogue? Sure! Just a notch less than those rascals wearing godly robes.

Just like you silly bums, I have a personal sky god. I bow to him, as you do to your airy-fairy sod. He prefers I call him Mr. NOT.

Assuming what people want is about as controlled as using fireworks to start a fire.

Wisdom of the Ages "US News Media" If the devil is the father of all lies, isn't the US News Media their bitchy stepmother?

First of all, no messiahs are sent. Secondly, no messiah got it. Lastly, no messiah is. And if there ever was or is, maybe I too am it. As too is every dimwit.

Nothing amuses people more than a cocky guy who starts losing.

Flattery does not encourage the perfect flow of love in the vein of your relationship. Be genuine and speak out what you feel for each other without hiding the painful truth.

Wisdom of the Ages: "National Symbol" With the preponderance of lawyers, banksters, arms, drug and tobacco dealers in our government, shouldn't our national symbol be changed from the eagle to the vul...

On a supra human level, yeah, I got That Which Is. Yet on a simple human level, rare are times when either my left or my right foot is not in some kind of shit.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Skull and Bones" A secret society of spoiled twits whose apparent purpose in life is littering the landscape with as many as possible.

I'm past competing in pissing contests. My jet stream is now more of a trickle. The only contest I'd win is the number of trips to the bathroom it takes to purge a 32oz soda.

Pride is pride not because it hates being wrong, but because it loves being wrong: To hate being wrong is to change your opinion when you are proven wrong; whereas pride, even when proven wrong, decid...

Children throw tantrums because they've imagined their 'father in heaven' does so. And because, their inherited religious book has, in written, shown them so.

I do not want to sound cynical or condescending, but your lips are moving, your mind unbending.

Generally it appears the case that, when faced with all life's problems, the baby, he wants to cry about everything, the child wants to question everything, the teenager wants to rebel against everyth...

Plot twist: everything goes exactly as planned.