Top Funny And Random Quotes

If you’re listening to this, congratulations! You survived Doomsday.I’d like to apologize straightaway for any inconvenience the end of the world may have caused you. The earthquakes, rebellions, riot...

The sooner the jihadis go up to their imagined #heaven, the sooner our earth would be a heaven.

She grabbed all her clothes from her wardrobe and flung them across the room, screaming her head off until she finally felt sane again. Perhaps tomorrow she would buy those cats. (Holly)

Dead people are just great. Meet me when you are.

People in hell want snowcones.

An atheist is a person who has nobody to blame when he screws up.

You have heard about the reindeer that pull old Santa's sled. But mostly I hate Rudolph and wish that he were dead. With his nose of red which we all know just can't be true. I wish someone would just...

Religion is a totalitarian belief. It is the wish to be a slave. It is the desire that there be an unalterable, unchallengeable, tyrannical authority who can convict you of thought crime while you are...

If anybody tells says you have to follow his or her #religion or you're going to hell, tell that silly ass to go to hell. Be well.

You keep the title of 'president' even if you served only one term. The same goes for rapists.

Right now, I couldn't have cared less if someone had waltzed across the room in a large flower costume with a sign saying GET YOUR BLACK TULIPS HERE. Every nerve in my body was on man-alert, screaming...

About a cookbook...)- What about this one? Maids of Honor?- Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor...but they ends up Tarts.

Oh yes? Can you identify yourself?-Certainly. I'd know me anywhere.

Do animals understand the concept of dreams or do they think they enter another dimension when they get tired?

World is so full of idiots that you can't even imagine to escape. The only solution is isolation. But it still spares one!

People need to make sure they have a good humor spark plug inside them that can be ignited at any moment when required.

If you know how to open doors with just a smile, you must need your teeth capped every six months

After reading some of my stories, I once had a friend say to me, "I'd love to spend five minutes in your head to see what's going on in there." I warned them, "If you spent five seconds in my mind you...

Does anyone else day dream about what it would be like if specific age groups just dropped dead all across the world?

MY FRIEND: SO DO YOU TAKE A FOREIGN LANGUAGE CLASS?ME: SURE DO HAVE BEEN FOR THE LAST 13 YEARS.MY FRIEND: COOL WHAT LANGUAGE?ME: MATH.