I love shark week, all kids swim for free
Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it in summer school
Dr. Suess said: 'Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened..' I tell my dates: 'Don't cry because it happened, smile because it's over
I always splash on the cologne before a blind date because dogs can smell fear
If America runs on Dunkin', do I detect a slight limp?
The only threesome I've ever experienced is with Pantene 2 in 1
It's always darkest before you're blinded by the light
When it comes to exacting revenge, it gets harder and harder to top yourself each successive time
Women are aroused by the strangest things, like a rock going through their bedroom window
Never send a Man in to do a Donkey's job
If you know how to open doors with just a smile, you must need your teeth capped every six months
If you love somebody set them free- it also works equally well if you hate somebody
It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the blame
When it comes to relationships, I find it best to have two feet out the door
Women, can't live with them, can't murder/suicide without them