I love shark week, all kids swim for free
Never send a Man in to do a Donkey's job
If America runs on Dunkin', do I detect a slight limp?
Dr. Suess said: 'Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened..' I tell my dates: 'Don't cry because it happened, smile because it's over
I always splash on the cologne before a blind date because dogs can smell fear
The only threesome I've ever experienced is with Pantene 2 in 1
When it comes to exacting revenge, it gets harder and harder to top yourself each successive time
When it comes to relationships, I find it best to have two feet out the door
It's always darkest before you're blinded by the light
Women, can't live with them, can't murder/suicide without them
Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it in summer school
If you love somebody set them free- it also works equally well if you hate somebody
Women are aroused by the strangest things, like a rock going through their bedroom window
If you know how to open doors with just a smile, you must need your teeth capped every six months
It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the blame