Top Funny And Random Quotes

When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.

So, am I too, like all other humans, just a rogue? Sure! Just a notch less than those rascals wearing godly robes.

Remember. Make him cry uncle.Cry uncle, my posterior. I'm going to make him cry like a girl who broke her mom's designer heels at the prom.

I said to my friend, "Why do you smoke (cigarettes)?"He replied, "Because I like to put myself on the line for the welfare and safety of others."I astonishingly said, "Sorry, I didn't get your point."...

Dont act like you are walking around with a Tshirt that says "I give Up!" on the front and on the back saying "I never started trying!"People can bring you down, situations happen, YOU can feel like L...

The wider you spread your fingers apart while clapping is equal to the amount of retarded you look while clapping.

My imaginary pal up there, Mr. NOT, tells me it's my dog-damn ism to kick your illusory he-man's ass. Now, what do you say to that?

My childhood was a drag show!

She grabbed all her clothes from her wardrobe and flung them across the room, screaming her head off until she finally felt sane again. Perhaps tomorrow she would buy those cats. (Holly)

She never called her son by any name but John; 'love' and 'dear', and such like terms, were reserved for Fanny.

Yes, an actual full-sized camel. If you find that confusing, just think how the criosphinx must have felt.Where did the camel come from, you ask? I may have mentioned Walt’s collection of amulets. Two...

Our problems started in Dallas, when the fire-breathing sheep destroyed the King Tut exhibit.

By the power of Grayskull. . . I have the power! NickBy the power of Grayskull, I'm going to cleave your skull from your shoulders if you don't take this seriously. Caleb

If you’re listening to this, congratulations! You survived Doomsday.I’d like to apologize straightaway for any inconvenience the end of the world may have caused you. The earthquakes, rebellions, riot...

The sooner the jihadis go up to their imagined #heaven, the sooner our earth would be a heaven.