Top Funny Quotes

Imagine for a moment that you are the proud owner of a large house which you have spent years of your life painting and decorating and filling with everything you love. It's your home. It's something...

You will have relatively less problems to solve, if you don't confuse problems with inconveniences.

Funny Definition

(superl.) Droll; comical; amusing; laughable.

(n.) A clinkerbuit, narrow boat for sculling.

What is your advice to young writers? Drink, fuck and smoke plenty of cigarettes.

I'm the G when you spell OG

If God had a wife He would be in just as much trouble as any man.

Acting is all about big hair and funny props... All the great actors knew it. Olivier knew it, Brando knew it.

Can you surf really well, then?"I looked at Grover, who was trying hard not to laugh."Jeez, Nico," I said. "I've never really tried."He went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with Thalia, since s...

It means the third rail has seven hundred volts of direct current running through it. Touch it and you're human popcorn

Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.

When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.

I'm a damsel, I'm in distress, I can handle this. Have a nice day!

Facebook asks me what's on my mind. Twitter asks me what's going on. LinkedIn wants me to reconnect with my colleagues. And YouTube tells me what to watch. Social Media is no reality show or Big Broth...

Those who pretend as if they don't love you, are the ones who would hate to see you love another person.

Don't plead with anyone if you were not at fault, you'll only look inferior, stupid and funny, bolster your ego by doing the undoing.

The real purpose of the opposition is to minimize the amount of money the ruling party will have stolen from the people at the end of its term.

Soak blanket in gravy and make a delicious brick wrap. Serve in All Gravy Room at the Mandrake Hotel.

Asia is an entertainment, Europe is a dream, America is an imprisonment and Rest is a nightmare.

Can you surf really well, then?I looked at Grover, who was trying hard not to laugh.

What on earth would I do if four bears came into my camp? Why, I would die of course. Literally shit myself lifeless.

If you're too open-minded your brains will fall out.