Top Funny Quotes

A celebrity farts, and everyone endures, but the unpopular will be thrased to death.

Isabelle snorted, All the boys gay. In this truck, anyway. Well, not you, Simon.You noticed, said Simon. I think of myself as a freewheeling bisexual, added Magnus. Please never say those words in fr...

Funny Definition

(superl.) Droll; comical; amusing; laughable.

(n.) A clinkerbuit, narrow boat for sculling.

We usually learn from debates that we seldom learn from debates.

Did I hurt you in the parking lot?No, m'lady. I fell, so I could put a tracker on your car.Great.

One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up.

Don't let your teeth make you lose respect by permanently keeping them opened for the sake of being friendly.

Assuming what people want is about as controlled as using fireworks to start a fire.

We have glorified wealth and freedom so much that it is impossible for most of us to truly believe that a man can truly be happy in a shack or within the confines of a prison cell.

Bitch, if I ain't a G, I'm an OG

It sometimes requires ignorance and arrogance to know something for sure.

If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for.

Just stay close to us. If we get in trouble, we'll kill everything.

Television has changed the American child from an irresistable force to an immovable object.

I check every can of Barbasol I buy for dinosaur embryos. I haven't found any yet, as evidenced by the lack of T-Rex screams in my apartment.

If you want to find out if someone is a true bookworm or not, give them a thousand page novel and see what happens.

He had the prettiest hair she had ever seen on a man: dark brown, almost black, and soft like sable, it fell down to his shoulders. She wondered what he'd do if she threw some mud in it. Probably kill...

When you are suffering from sexual starvation, a spank or even a hug seems like a porn scene.

If you call yourself an "authoress" on your Facebook profile, you suck at life. You are stupid and your children are ugly. It doesn't matter if you're just trying to be cute and original. You're not....

Some people would not be dead if they have not gotten the things or people they had prayed for.

Majority wins, but majority is not necessarily right and sometimes majority is awfully wrong.