“ Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals. Robert Orben
“ A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success. Robert Orben
“ I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff. Robert Orben
“ Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years. Robert Orben
“ Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right? Robert Orben
“ Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards. Robert Orben
“ Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. Robert Orben
“ Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down. Robert Orben
“ My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age. Robert Orben
“ I may be forty but every morning when I get up I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately there's never one around. Robert Orben
“ In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative fight, flee - or laugh. Robert Orben
“ Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price. Robert Orben
“ It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise. Robert Orben
“ New Yorkers are so impersonal if it wasn't for muggings there wouldn't be any contact at all! Robert Orben
