Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.
Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.
President Ford used humor a great deal.
I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff.
Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.
Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.
Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?
To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.
In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative fight, flee - or laugh.
Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.
I may be forty but every morning when I get up I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately there's never one around.
It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.
Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
New Yorkers are so impersonal if it wasn't for muggings there wouldn't be any contact at all!
There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.