Television has changed the American child from an irresistable force to an immovable object.
It's better to have loved and lost than to have to do forty pounds of laundry a week.
Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
Lead, follow, or get out of the way.
Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other.
Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively.
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
Fortune knocks but once, but misfortune has much more patience.
Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.
The best intelligence test is what we do with our leisure.
Old age is when you know all the answers but nobody asks you the questions.
If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?
He laughs best whose laugh lasts.
When I want your opinion I'll give it to you.
Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell, and advertise.
America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation.
Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.
The problem with temptation is that you may not get another chance.
