Top Comedy Quotes

I'm not into those kind of rivalries. I remember standing out in front of Stratford, minding my own business. Carload of about eighty kids would pull up: 'STRATFORD SUCKS!' Am I supposed to run after...

Beetroot Cossins had moved to Kuala Lumpur where she had died of lethargy and pie.

Comedy Definition

(n.) A dramatic composition, or representation of a bright and amusing character, based upon the foibles of individuals, the manners of society, or the ludicrous events or accidents of life; a play in which mirth predominates and the termination of the plot is happy; -- opposed to tragedy.

This isn't where I intended to be. Killing a person has a funny way of getting your life off-track. (Dark City Lights)

No one ever thinks about the guy who was raised by the guy who was raised by wolves.

Maybe a holiday miracle will change Mearth’s awful behavior, Mandy suggested with optimism.The only holiday miracle around here is that Mearth hasn’t murdered us both yet, said Alecto, lighting anothe...

You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really un-evolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. "I believe God created me in o...

For me, every week is a fashion week.

My dad is Scottish, and he read in the newspaper about the plight of the Scottish Freshwater Mussel, which is a real thing - like, a very real, serious conservation issue. And he's a writer, and he wa...

I don't get a lot of romantic comedy scripts.

To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click 'I agree'.

He had also spent a day and a half without sleep trying to start an online petition to bring back the advert for Nationwide Building Society which said Dunroamin, twice, but half the through the secon...

The appreciative smile, the chuckle, the soundless mirth, so important to the success of comedy, cannot be understood unless one sits among the audience and feels the warmth created by the quality of...

Comedy to me has always seemed a social tightrope for the comedian. For all axioms intellectually sound the general public would prefer to be amused, but in those emotionally sound, it then chooses to...

Why would a comediotic guy like Buzz Aldrin worry about who said what first? He was on the %$#@!+-oon!

A Wasn’t just isn't. He just isn't present. But you… You ARE YOU! And, now isn't that pleasant!

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.

The only ironic thing about that song is that it's called 'Ironic' and it is written by a woman who doesn't know what irony is. That's quite ironic when you think about it. (on Alanis Morissette's 'Ir...

Excuse me, I must go and putt

Where did the stereotypical image of the reclusive author in a bathrobe and slippers, indulging in vices and spending hours before a typewriter, even come from? I don't know about you, but most writer...

Men like to borrow kisses because they know they will have to pay them back.