Bill Maher Quotes

Claiming the budget can't allow it reminds me of when you walk into a restaurant at a civilized hour like ten o'clock and they say the kitchen is closed. For years I would hear this, and think, damn,...

If it weren't for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod.

This is the opposite of the free market.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

New Rule: Don't name your kid after a ballpark. Cubs fans Paul and Teri Fields have named their newborn son Wrigley. Wrigley Fields. A child is supposed to be an independent individual, not a means of...

Women are also property in our bible; adultery is a property crime in the Old Testament, not a sex crime.

New Rule: Now that liberals have taken back the word liberal, they also have to take back the word elite. By now you've heard the constant right-wing attacks on the elite media, and the liberal elite....

If I can't suck your milkshake through a straw, it's not a milkshake--it's a glass of ice cream.

They hate us because they feel--and they are not wrong--that it is within our power to do so much more, and that we practice a kind of passive-aggressive violence on the Third World. We do this by, fo...

New Rule: Someone must x-ray my stomach to see if the Peeps I ate on Easter are still in there, intact and completely undigested. And I'm not talking about this past Easter. I'm talking about the last...

Fascism is when corporations become the government.

Kadafi is a zombie in a pillbox hat, that's what he is!

First of all understand that I get it. That there are millions and millions of women who are steely eyed realists. And millions and millions of men who are anything but. However. For lack of a better...

We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels & free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep & conformists.

New Rule: America has every right ot bitch about gas prices suddenly shooting up. How could we have known? Oh, wait, there was that teensy, tiny thing about being warned constantly over the last forty...

Faced with our addiction to oil, what does our leadership say? Get more of it! Strange when you consider their answer to dependence is to cut off the supply.

Every day in America is a day with a shooting.

Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?

First of all understand that I get it. That there are millions and millions of women who are steely eyed realists. And millions and millions of men who are anything but. However. For lack of a better...

New Rule: You don't have to teach both sides of a debate if one side is a load of crap. President Bush recently suggested that public schools should teach intelligent design alongside the theory of ev...