Bill Maher Quotes

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

They hate us because they feel--and they are not wrong--that it is within our power to do so much more, and that we practice a kind of passive-aggressive violence on the Third World. We do this by, fo...

About Author

William Maher ( MAR; born January 20, 1956) is an American comedian, writer, producer, political commentator, actor, and television host. He is popularly known for the HBO political talk show Real Time with Bill Maher (2003–present) and the similar late-night show called Politically Incorrect (1993–2002), originally on Comedy Central and later on ABC. In 2022, Maher started the podcast Club Random.
Maher is best known for his political satire and sociopolitical commentary. He targets many topics including religion, political correctness, and the mass media. His critical views of religion were the basis for his 2008 documentary film Religulous. He is a supporter of animal rights, having served on the board of PETA since 1997, and is an advisory board member of Project Reason. Maher supports the legalization of cannabis, serving on the advisory board of NORML.
In 2005, Maher ranked at No. 38 on Comedy Central's 100 greatest stand-up comedians of all time. He received a Hollywood Walk of Fame star in 2010. Maher has earned 41 Primetime Emmy Award nominations and a win for his work as executive producer for Vice in 2014. He has also received nominations for two Grammy Awards and a Tony Award.

Claiming the budget can't allow it reminds me of when you walk into a restaurant at a civilized hour like ten o'clock and they say the kitchen is closed. For years I would hear this, and think, damn,...

If it weren't for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod.

New Rule: Don't name your kid after a ballpark. Cubs fans Paul and Teri Fields have named their newborn son Wrigley. Wrigley Fields. A child is supposed to be an independent individual, not a means of...

New Rule: Now that liberals have taken back the word liberal, they also have to take back the word elite. By now you've heard the constant right-wing attacks on the elite media, and the liberal elite....

This is the opposite of the free market.

If I can't suck your milkshake through a straw, it's not a milkshake--it's a glass of ice cream.

Women are also property in our bible; adultery is a property crime in the Old Testament, not a sex crime.

New Rule: Someone must x-ray my stomach to see if the Peeps I ate on Easter are still in there, intact and completely undigested. And I'm not talking about this past Easter. I'm talking about the last...

Instead of using the expression It is what it is, just shut up.

We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels & free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep & conformists.

Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?

New Rule: America has every right ot bitch about gas prices suddenly shooting up. How could we have known? Oh, wait, there was that teensy, tiny thing about being warned constantly over the last forty...

Kadafi is a zombie in a pillbox hat, that's what he is!

First of all understand that I get it. That there are millions and millions of women who are steely eyed realists. And millions and millions of men who are anything but. However. For lack of a better...

Every day in America is a day with a shooting.

Fascism is when corporations become the government.

That's not water. That's socialism juice. We should bomb Lake Erie.

New Rule: You don't have to teach both sides of a debate if one side is a load of crap. President Bush recently suggested that public schools should teach intelligent design alongside the theory of ev...