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Chelsea Handler Quote

You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.

Chelsea Handler

You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.

Tags: comedy, funny, hot mess, humor

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Of all funny things, truth is the funniest.

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Of all funny things, truth is the funniest.

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Oh honey, someday a real man is going to make you see stars and you won't even be looking at the sky." Excerpt from Grace Willow's Last Minute Bride

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Oh honey, someday a real man is going to make you see stars and you won't even be looking at the sky." Excerpt from Grace Willow's Last Minute Bride

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People who are not blessed with the ability to make others laugh compensate for that by saying (or trying to say) things that are profound.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

People who are not blessed with the ability to make others laugh compensate for that by saying (or trying to say) things that are profound.

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There is a moment of sheer panic when I realize that Paul's apartment overlooks the park... and is obviously more expensive than mine.

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There is a moment of sheer panic when I realize that Paul's apartment overlooks the park... and is obviously more expensive than mine.

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They're so broke that they've actually cut essential services. In many places, they've cut policemen, because, who the fuck needs them? Or firemen, son of a bitch, it's much more fun watching somethin...

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They're so broke that they've actually cut essential services. In many places, they've cut policemen, because, who the fuck needs them? Or firemen, son of a bitch, it's much more fun watching somethin...

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You can't fight hatred with hatred and expect anyone to listen to you. You can only try to lessen it with humor, wit, truth and commonsense. If that doesn't work run like hell, while they throw rocks...

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You can't fight hatred with hatred and expect anyone to listen to you. You can only try to lessen it with humor, wit, truth and commonsense. If that doesn't work run like hell, while they throw rocks...

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That was 1993 grunge in suburbia. This was 2003 hell in Harlem. (Dark City Lights)

Eve Kagan

That was 1993 grunge in suburbia. This was 2003 hell in Harlem. (Dark City Lights)

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One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up.

Carroll Bryant

One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up.

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I am a playwright who does not write comedies, or tragedies.

Steven L. Sheppard

I am a playwright who does not write comedies, or tragedies.

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The dimple in his left cheek was ironic-it gave the impression that he was sweet as a cupcake. (Dark City Lights)

Elaine Kagan

The dimple in his left cheek was ironic-it gave the impression that he was sweet as a cupcake. (Dark City Lights)

Tags: anthologies, appearances, comedy, funny, humor, humorous, irony, misleading, short stories
About Chelsea Handler

Chelsea Joy Handler (born February 25, 1975) is an American stand-up comedian, actress, writer, television host, and producer. She hosted the late-night talk show Chelsea Lately on the E! network from 2007 to 2014 and released a documentary series, Chelsea Does, on Netflix in January 2016. From 2016 to 2017, Handler hosted the talk show Chelsea on Netflix.
In 2012, Time named Handler one of the 100 most influential people in the world on its annual Time 100 list.