“ They're so broke that they've actually cut essential services. In many places, they've cut policemen, because, who the fuck needs them? Or firemen, son of a bitch, it's much more fun watching somethin… Lewis Black
“ This is how sad my life is: I got a scar from scratching my chicken pox too much. That's my big scar story. I really have no major scars. Lewis Black
“ A father and two sons run Adelphia. It's a cable company. And they took from that company a billion dollars. A billion. Three people - three people took a billion dollars. What were they gonna do, sta… Lewis Black
“ And I know this happens because I took economics, and I'd explain it to ya, but I flunked that course. Not my fault. They taught it at 8 o'clock in the morning. And there is absolutely nothing you can… Lewis Black
“ If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. That's why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every heal… Lewis Black
“ I like indoor Christmas trees. And I like people who decorate their homes with lights and all that crap. I think it's a healthy outlet for them. If they weren't covering their lawns with twinkling lig… Lewis Black
“ The worst thing about Halloween is, of course, candy corn. It's unbelievable to me. Candy corn is the only candy in the history of America that's never been advertised. And there's a reason. All of th… Lewis Black
“ My parents are the last of the middle class. My father worked for the government designing sea mines. My mother was a substitute teacher. Together, they worked really only until they were sixty. Lewis Black
“ One of the interesting things about comedy is it's tension release, and nothing creates tension faster than anger. Lewis Black
“ When people come to my act any time after Thanksgiving, I usually say, You shouldn't be here. You should be shopping. Our economy depends on you! You should be out there buying stuff.' Lewis Black
“ You realize that for all the shenanigans that go on in the big circus of politics, everybody wakes up and goes to work. Lewis Black
“ It's absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we've got rockets, we've got saran wrap - fix it! Lewis Black
