Top Humour Quotes

Shame on you. Don't tell me you've been married for an hour and you've already got eyes for another woman.

The people that loves God, do they also have troubles? Yes but the troubles never have them. They can have pain but pain can't have them. Paul was in prison but prison was not in him. Don't let what y...

The world is your lobster!

The only real reason that some relationships and marriages have not yet been ended is because in each case one of the partners has not yet found their ideal partner or someone they love or at least li...

In the grave the chambers of souls are like the womb of a woman: For like as a woman that travails make haste to escape the necessity of the travail: even so do these places haste to deliver those thi...

Being a bad parent is a sign of not having learned from experience.

I should have learned mindfulness, and it’s too late now because it’s no good learning it when you’re already in crisis: you have to start when things are good. But only the very, very oddest would th...

Some of the people we feel sorry for feel sorry for us for thinking that they are the ones who should be felt sorry for.

I don’t remember the whole thing, because it was very long, but Atticus recited it for me once, and there was a line that went like this: Cry ham hock and let slip the hogs of war! I know you might no...

50% of all facts are false and the other half are just made up

The little waiter's eyebrows wandered about his forehead in confusion.

That girl will rain destruction down on you and your ship. She is an albatross, Captain. Way I remember it, albatross was a ship's good luck, 'til some idiot killed it. (to Inara) Yes, I've read a poe...

For me to forgive my ex, he would have to sign a marriage contract with his tears and seal it with his blood.

If you want to know what the camel stole from your kitchen yesterday, then you shouldn;t slit open its stomach. You should stare into its arsehole.

Hey! Give that back! Panic started to set in. Ignoring the fact that I was only in my panties, I jumped up out of bed and grabbed at the sweatshirt, trying to pull it back to me. I couldn't lose it, I...

When the waiter brought the cheese-board, there was a large carrot carved in the shape of a mermaid sitting between the Dolcelatte and the Pecorino. Teo could have sworn that the carrot-mermaid flexed...

When all this started, I asked myself, 'Am I going to withdraw from the world, like most people do, or am I going to live?' I decided I'm going to live - or at least try to live - the way I want, with...

Most people believe most of the things they believe only because they believe that most people believe them.

The only good thing about that decision, Gatt, is that I'll get tea before you.

Let us find the dam snack bar, Zoe said. We should eat while we can.Grover cracked a smile. The dam snack bar?Zoe blinked. Yes. What is funny?Nothing, Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. I co...