Yoga pants often answer questions I didn't ask.
I ought to be jealous of the tower. She is more famous than I am.
(superl.) Droll; comical; amusing; laughable.
(n.) A clinkerbuit, narrow boat for sculling.
I'm realizing that some of my greatest (or at least most determined) genius lies in my ability to procrastinate.
You should assume the mantle of your birthright.
Sometimes in the most tragic situation, something just profoundly funny happens.
Funny is funny is funny.
Life's pretty funny when you're objectively on the outside looking at it.
It's funny, I can sit through the worst horror film ever made but even a quite good romantic comedy can drive me nuts.
When I was a little kid, I wrote this play about all these characters living in a haunted house. There was a witch who lived there, and a mummy. When they were all hassling him, this guy who bought th...
The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the Camcorder.
I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.
I have never been hurt by what I have not said.
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
One of the funny things about the stock market is that every time one person buys, another sells, and both think they are astute.
You are my flesh and blood and I have always doted on you, but right now I would have to say you deserve a haughty, ruined chit for your own and she deserves you.
They can't expect anyone to actually pay for a shirt that says, 'I (picture of an elephant) the San Diego Zoo.' What does that even mean?
Pity, I've learned, is like a fart. You can tolerate your own, but you simply can't stand anyone else's.
Once I stand and watch helplessly while some rug rat pulls everything he can reach off the racks, and the thought that abortion is wasted on the unborn must show on my face, because his mother finally...
Mortimer Lindquist seemed to have finally given in to the inevitable. I'd seen him with a bad toupee, and with an even worse comb-over, but this was the first time I'd seen him sporting a full-on Char...
I had aimed at Mars and was about to hit Venus; unquestionably the all-time cosmic record for poor shots.