“ Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. George Carlin
“ Some people see the cup as half empty. Some people see the cup as half full. I see the cup as too large. George Carlin
“ Forget the politicians. The politicians are put there to give you the idea you have freedom of choice. You don't. You have no choice. You have owners. They own you. They own everything. They own all t… George Carlin
“ He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly. George Carlin
“ The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions. George Carlin
“ We're so self-important. So arrogant. Everybody's going to save something now. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save the snails. And the supreme arrogance? Save the planet! Are these pe… George Carlin
“ Here's an interesting form of murder we came up with: assassination. You know what's interesting about assassination? Well, not only does it change those popularity polls in a big fucking hurry, but i… George Carlin
“ I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuckin' heroic. George Carlin
“ [On school uniforms] Don't these schools do enough damage making all these kids think alike, now they have to make them look alike too? It's not a new idea, either. I first saw it in old newsreels fro… George Carlin
“ Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes. George Carlin
