“ There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on s… Ron White
“ Vegas is famous for a lot of things, and bad marriages are one of them. Margo and I are proof that you can make this work. It just takes a little effort. Ron White
“ I've got a role in the new Billy Bob Thornton movie that Billy Bob wrote and is going to direct called 'Jayne Mansfield's Car.' I only have four scenes, but I have as much dialogue as anybody in the m… Ron White
“ Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mine's putting in an express lane. Ron White
“ I believe when life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade...and try to find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. Ron White
“ When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range. Ron White
“ I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. Ron White
“ I think honest communication, no matter where it comes from, is positive for a relationship. Ron White
“ The way my brain processes information is quite odd. I mean, I have Attention Deficit Disorder and another learning disability I can't even spell. I don't even have a high school diploma. I'm smart, b… Ron White
“ All I know how to do is take what's on my mind and spit it out funny. I don't know what else I could do besides comedy. Ron White
“ There's no idea or concept in comedy you could do that hasn't been attacked from some angle. But if you start leaving punchlines out so you'll look cool, I don't get that. But I don't watch standup an… Ron White
“ If you look at the common denominator of all the comics who have had big success, it's being true to their nature... that's what takes a long time to learn. Ron White
“ I was talking to a guy who was holding his 18-month-old daughter with the only limb he had left, and he had a smile on his face. I thought, 'I'm not even a 10th of this man.' Ron White
“ I was considered by my peers to be a good comedian. So that's all I ever strived to do was get some recognition from my peers. Ron White
“ If you become famous and don't have a live show to back it up, they're not going to pay you any money. Ron White
