Top Humour Quotes

I have a bad habit of wolfing down things that catch my eye.

A relationship is likely to last way longer, if each partner convinces or has convinced themselves that they do not deserve their partner, even if that is not true.

Do you know what she did today?" He leaned confidentially across the table, pointing at the dishes in the sink. "She went to the market and left all the breakfast dishes there and said she'd do them l...

Chances are that there are white people who brag about being the first to move out of a suburb that has been intruded by blacks.

Some people masturbate to temporarily replace their partners when they are absent, whereas some people do that to temporarily live in the present.

I'm sorry," he muttered. "If I... uh, hurt your feelings or something." She glared at him. "I'm not hurt. I'm pissed off and sexually frustrated." His head snapped back on his spine. Well... then. Oka...

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.

It is said "Barking dogs seldom bite".......Unfortunately many dogs do not know this proverb!

I am unable to believe in a God susceptible to prayer. I simply haven't the nerve to imagine a being, a force, a cause which keeps the planets revolving in their orbits, and then suddenly stops in ord...

I remember calling the council's cemetery department to ask about body decomposition in different soil types. Once they had verified that I was a novelist and not a sicko, they were extremely helpful.

Some people would not have remained with their partners, if the unfortunate things that have happened to them had happened to their partners, or if the fortunate things that have happened to their par...

Nothing humbles a beautiful woman better than not being wanted by a man whose girlfriend or wife is ugly (or not as beautiful as she is).

Many a man was caused to perish by something that he and many men cherish.

We envy people who are extremely old because we wish to live that long, not because we want to be that old.

The second most dangerous thing about money is that it leaves most of the people who have a lot of it with the unshakable belief that they are intelligent and well informed. The most dangerous thing a...

Did god make man too perfect,So that a piece has to be removedthrough circumcision?

You do not respond to a mosquito bite with a hammer.

In the middle section of the book Mirabelle breaks into not one, but two houses near Belgravia Books. I had fun scoping these out - checking which windows looked least secure and figuring out how to s...

When it comes to their love lives, some people do not really have high standards; they merely have low sex drive.

A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water.