As it 'appens, I am Arthur's right-hand man, said Suzy. Or left-hand girl, I can't remember where I stood last time. Anyhow, me and Arthur is like two fingers of a gauntlet. Or at least the thumb and...
The difficulty with humourists is that they will mix what they believe with what they don't whichever seems likelier to win an effect.
Sleepwalking is the perfect exorcise for lazy people
If heaven really exists: then heaven is the job, hell is unemployment, while life is merely an interview.
I grab at Smitty and he at me, and, for one horrible, deperately embarrassing second we fly into each others arms like Shaggy and Scooby Don't.
The art of writing involves making as many cups of tea as you can in the time available for writing. Then adding extra time for writing...
Oh, is that my report, father?' said Mike, with a sort of sickly interest, much as a dog about to be washed might evince in his
Anyone who thinks money can't buy happiness has never owned a cat [or any pet].
I have a very strict gun control policy: if there's a gun around, I want to be in control of it.
I find that if you just talk, your mouth comes up with stuff.
Aragorn: Gentlemen! We do not stop 'til nightfall.Pippin: But what about breakfast?Aragorn: You've already had it.Pippin: We've had one, yes. But what about second breakfast?[Aragorn stares at him, th...
Always buy pornographic books in hardback because they're easier to hold with one hand.
don't make me throw my boot at you, because I will, you grumpy high testosterone driven male
The greatest futility! says the congregator, "The greatest futility! Everything is futile!" What does a person gain from all his hard work- At which he toils under the sun? A generation goes and anoth...
I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine.
The clown knows that life is cruel. The ancient jester's motley coloured costume turned his usually melancholy expression in to a joke. The clown is used to loss. Loss is his prologue.
Racism was not a problem on the Discworld, because—what with trolls and dwarfs and so on—speciesism was more interesting. Black and white lived in perfect harmony and ganged up on green.
Pity, I've learned, is like a fart. You can tolerate your own, but you simply can't stand anyone else's.
Of the things which nourish the imagination, humour is one of the most needful, and it is dangerous to limit or destroy it.
Thought for the day: Twitter...140 character limit...must be a great tool for fortune cookie writers...