The commander went, as they say in Ankh-Morpork, totally Librarian on them.
Charles Dickens' creation of Mr. Pickwick did more for the elevation of the human race - I say it in all seriousness - than Cardinal Newman's Lead Kindly Light Amid the Encircling Gloom. Newman only c...
Today I plan to smile a lot, only so people who know me will be freaked the fuck out.
Tempted to type meaningless twaddle all the time on Twitter...with alliteration, no less!
He had also spent a day and a half without sleep trying to start an online petition to bring back the advert for Nationwide Building Society which said Dunroamin, twice, but half the through the secon...
An atheist is a person who has nobody to blame when he screws up.
I was wary of my sister's cooking, which invariably consisted of a tubular pasta and economy cheese, charred black on the surface, with either tinned tuna or lardy mince lurking beneath the molten cru...
He burst into the house and ate Grandma, an entirely valid course of action for a carnivore such as himself.
Go thy way, weigh me the weight of the fire, or measure me the blast of the wind, or call me again the day that is past.
Iniquity shall be increased above that which now thou see, or that thou hast heard long ago.
You, I surmised, and gestured round. Thank you.No, he denied. His pale hair floated out from beneath his cap in a halo as he shook his head. But I assisted. Thank you for bathing. It makes my task of...
A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.
Thou hast given a right judgment, but why judge thou not thyself also?
You are where your brain is but not where a front-page headline is.
And then, all of a sudden, he stopped, and his jaw dropped as though he had remembered something."The score!" he burst out. "Three goes o' rum! Why, shiver my timbers, if I hadn't forgotten my score!"...
And yet their reward appear not, and their labor had no fruit: for I have gone here and there through the heathen, and I see that they flow in wealth, and think not upon thy commandments.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
She wore a loose bathrobe that covered up a body that would have won first prize in a beauty contest for cement blocks.....She had a voice that made pearl harbour sound like a lullaby.
He was silent. Well! Now she knew how right she had been. He was not in the least in love with her, and very happy she was to know it, All she wanted was a suitable retreat, such as a lumber-room, or...