Top Funny Quotes

Pg. 231-232: They'd given me a minivan. They could have picked any car and they picked a minivan. A minivan. O God of the Vehicular Justice, why dost thou mock me? Minivan, you albatross around my nec...

One piece of wisdom a writer quickly learns ~ typos keep you humble.

Funny Definition

(superl.) Droll; comical; amusing; laughable.

(n.) A clinkerbuit, narrow boat for sculling.

I was so high, I needed a stepladder to scratch my own ass.

At the same time shall men hope, but nothing obtain: they shall labor, but their ways shall not prosper.

The human body is the best work of art.

One of the many downsides to being a drug addict is never really knowing if the stuff is real.

I'm forty-two," he said. "That's eighty-four in musician years.

If you're stressing over happiness, you're doing it wrong!

You know, I don’t get why Fred and George only got three O.W.L.s each, said Harry, watching as Fred, George, and Lee collected gold from the eager crowd. They really know their stuff. . . .Oh, they on...

The superfluous, a very necessary thing.

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

Thanks liver... you are a champ!

It doesn't matter what your boss thinks as long as he doesn't cry.

I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.

Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie... a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion.

If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

#Twitter: proudly promoting ghastly grammar and silly misspelling since 2006.

You're FAT - and don't try to sugarcoat it, because you'll just eat that, too.

You got one guy going boom, one guy going whack, and one guy not getting in the endzone.