“ A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. Fred Allen
“ I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. Fred Allen
“ We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not… Fred Allen
“ Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. Fred Allen
“ I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there. Fred Allen
“ I have just returned from Boston it is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there. Fred Allen
“ Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs. Fred Allen
“ The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret. Fred Allen
