I may have faults but being wrong ain't one of them.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like...
Everybody hates me because I'm so universally liked.
He talks at the drop of a pause.
She realizes she doesn't know as much as God but feels she knows as much as God knew when he was her age.
Show me someone who never gossips and I'll show you someone who isn't interested in people.
Some people see the cup as half empty. Some people see the cup as half full. I see the cup as too large.
When someone sings his own praises he always gets the tune too high.
I have a simple philosophy. Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.
It gives me great strength to know that half the people I meet are below average.
Let's just say he has too many pigeons on his antenna.
When compelled to cook I produce a meal that would make a sword swallower gag.
What a pity human beings can't exchange problems. Everyone knows exactly how to solve the other fellow's.
Mercifully one forgets one's love affairs as one forgets one's dreams.
If I only had a little humility I'd be perfect.
I believe in practicing prudence at least once every two or three years.
At home I am a nice guy but I don't want the world to know. Humble people I've found don't go very far.
Yesterday was the first day of the rest of your life . . . and you messed it up again.
Well-adjusted means you can make the same mistakes over and over again and keep smiling.
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