I may have faults but being wrong ain't one of them.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like...
Everybody hates me because I'm so universally liked.
He talks at the drop of a pause.
Show me someone who never gossips and I'll show you someone who isn't interested in people.
She realizes she doesn't know as much as God but feels she knows as much as God knew when he was her age.
Some people see the cup as half empty. Some people see the cup as half full. I see the cup as too large.
When someone sings his own praises he always gets the tune too high.
I have a simple philosophy. Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.
What a pity human beings can't exchange problems. Everyone knows exactly how to solve the other fellow's.
When compelled to cook I produce a meal that would make a sword swallower gag.
It gives me great strength to know that half the people I meet are below average.
Let's just say he has too many pigeons on his antenna.
At home I am a nice guy but I don't want the world to know. Humble people I've found don't go very far.
If I only had a little humility I'd be perfect.
I believe in practicing prudence at least once every two or three years.
She's not moody. She's just known for her versatility of emotions.
I'm not at all stuck up . . . although judging from those around me I have every right to be.
Lead me not into temptation I can find the way myself.
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