“ A railroad station? That was sort of a primitive airport, only you didn't have to take a cab 20 miles out of town to reach it. Russell Baker
“ Voters inclined to loathe and fear elite Ivy League schools rarely make fine distinctions between Yale and Harvard. All they know is that both are full of rich, fancy, stuck-up and possibly dangerous… Russell Baker
“ A group of politicians deciding to dump a President because his morals are bad is like the Mafia getting together to bump off the Godfather for not going to church on Sunday. Russell Baker
“ When you're the only pea in the pod your parents are likely to get you confused with the Hope diamond. Russell Baker
“ Roosevelt's declaration that Americans had 'nothing to fear but fear itself' was a glorious piece of inspirational rhetoric and just as gloriously wrong. Russell Baker
“ You can always tell folks from nonfolks. Folks like to feel good, like to smile for the camera when there's a big photo opportunity for a really good cause. Russell Baker
“ Newspaper people, once celebrated as founts of ribald humor and uncouth fun, have of late lost all their gaiety, and small wonder. Russell Baker
“ An educated person is one who has learned that information almost always turns out to be at best incomplete and very often false, misleading, fictitious, mendacious - just dead wrong. Russell Baker
“ Anticipating that most poetry will be worse than carrying heavy luggage through O'Hare Airport, the public, to its loss, reads very little of it. Russell Baker
“ Reporters thrive on the world's misfortune. For this reason they often take an indecent pleasure in events that dismay the rest of humanity. Russell Baker
“ When it comes to cars, only two varieties of people are possible - cowards and fools. Russell Baker
“ Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things. Russell Baker
“ Happiness is a small and unworthy goal for something as big and fancy as a whole lifetime and should be taken in small doses. Russell Baker
“ Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. Russell Baker
