The satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive and eventually releases him again for another chance.
Everybody hates me because I'm so universally liked.
Deep down, he's shallow.
Life is a zoo in a jungle.
The rich aren't like us they pay less taxes.
Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.
I write when I'm inspired, and I see to it that I'm inspired at nine o'clock every morning.
The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination but the combination is locked up in the safe.
There are times when parenthood seems nothing more than feeding the hand that bites you.
Murals in restaurants are on a par with the food in museums.
Who of us is mature enough for offspring before the offspring themselves arrive? The value of marriage is not that adults produce children but that children produce adults.
Let us hope...that a kind Providence will put a speedy end to the acts of God under which we have been laboring.
The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds - they mature slowly.
The value of marriage is not that adults produce children but that children produce adults.
We know the human brain is a device to keep the ears from grating on one another.
Write drunk; edit sober.
The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character.
The murals in restaurants are on par with the food in museums.
The tuba is certainly the most intestinal of instruments, the very lower bowel of music.
I was thinking that we all learn by experience, but some of us have to go to summer school.
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