That money talks, I'll not deny, I heard it once: It said, 'Goodbye'.
We offered her flowers and signalled to her with our penises, but she did not respond with joy.''The men with the extra skins didn't look happy. They looked angry.''We went towards them to greet them,...
They made for his noise far quicker than he had expected. They were frightfully angry. Quite apart from the stones no spider has ever like being called Attercop, and Tomnoddy of course, is insulting t...
Hmmm... that's interesting.""What?""There seems to be a gentleman walking towards us with a shotgun.
I made a deal with sharks. I don't swim near them and they don't play cricket.
If I had one wish, it would be for self-drying pants. Wait -- no! Unlimited wishes! How do I return these stupid pants?!
Don't go getting offended my friend, I have much worse things to say to you.-Ad'Dam, Journey from Atremes
My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
Sighing dismally, she acknowledged that some things just weren't humanly possible - not even Martha Stewart could fold fitted sheets.
You're not very nice, I say, grinning.You're one to talk.Hey, I could be nice if I tried.Hmm. He taps his chin. Say something nice, then.You're very good-looking.He smiles, his teeth a flash in this d...
We'd be the Joystick Order. Out motto would be High Score for One, Pizza for All.
Anything awful makes me laugh. I misbehaved once at a funeral.
The best definition of humour I know is: humour may be defined as the kindly contemplation of the incongruities of life and the artistic expression thereof. I think this is the best I know because I...
Summer movie idea: take all the sequels that are out right now, and make movies about their backstories.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
The world hast fast to pass away- And cannot comprehend the things that are promised to the righteous in time to come: for this world is full of unrighteousness and infirmities.
My humour has always come from anger, but I have to make sure I don't just get angry and jump on a soapbox.
The woman behind the bar called out: ‘Why do you stand like hypnotized fish? Did you come to drink beer or to eat food?’‘Be patient,’ said Gersen. ‘We are making our decision.’The remark annoyed the w...
Perhaps a sense of death is like a sense of humour. We all think the one we've got - or haven't got - is just about right, and appropriate to the proper understanding of life. It's everyone else who's...
I'm hungry.''Me too.''Will you get us something to eat?''I suppose I could take a look around. Maybe find a baby bird or a dead squirrel, or something. One word about a quiche, and I'll kill you.''Whi...