I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare but then I thought Why should I? He never reads any of mine.
How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
I can speak Esperanto like a native.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
Thankfully, we didn't stop at Malta. I think Malta was thankful, too.
It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't.
My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
When I get depressed, I try to get something for the terrible sadness that comes over me and create something in terms of poetry.
(On his gravestone): "I told you I was ill".
Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
Said Hamlet to Ophelia,I'll draw a sketch of thee.What kind of pencil shall I use?2B or not 2B?
R.I.P.Tom Conlon O'Rourke.Not Dead, just Sleeping.
On the Ning Nang NongWhere the Cows go Bong!And the Monkeys all say Boo!Theres a Nang Nong NingWhere the trees go Ping!And the tea pots Jibber Jabber JooOn the Nong Ning NangAll the Mice go Clang!And...
Money couldn't buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy.
Money can't buy friends but you can get a better class of enemy.
A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush
Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.