Top Humour Quotes

When in doubt, ignore and be horribly unimpressed

Today as always, men fall into two groups: slaves and free men. Whoever does not have two-thirds of his day for himself, is a slave, whatever he may be: a statesman, a businessman, an official, or a s...

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

The problem is, God gave man a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run one at a time.

Would I serve you or (Prince) Jon stolen goods? he asked. "No, don't answer me.

Politics is the entertainment branch of industry.

A fashion is nothing but an induced epidemic.

Max looked around. "Where's your mutt?""Right here, asleep. He won't bite you again. I've talked to him about it, and he's really sorry

I believe that if it were left to artists to choose their own labels, most would choose none.

Individuality: ten. Cautiousness: three. Combativeness: nine." She looked over and gave me a wink. "Well, what did you expect from a pirate's daughter? Hope: eight. Amativeness. What's that?"Kate acut...

Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.

We are getting older fatter and balder. Each day brings us one step closer to death. Other than that, life's a ding-a-derry.

All I know about humour is that I don't know anything about it.

What I Found in My DeskA ripe peach with an ugly bruise,a pair of stinky tennis shoes,a day-old ham-and-cheese on rye,a swimsuit that I left to dry,a pencil that glows in the dark,some bubble gum foun...

A brain the size of a pea, cannot achieve what a brain the size of a melon can!!

With a roof over his head he had ceased to work, living off his [war] pension and his wits, both hopelessly inadequate.

I am but a pawn on the chessboard of life!

All hail, Queen Shit-of-Liesville!

I also know a Were-Pomeranian named Phoebe Fluffenstuff that will gut someone with her samurai sword as casually as you would slice a pie

Minimalism is a girl's best asset, blend tones, smudge hard outlines; if all else fails; Photoshop it.