What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.