“ I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender. Rodney Dangerfield
“ I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table. Rodney Dangerfield
“ With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me. Rodney Dangerfield
“ I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers. Rodney Dangerfield
“ This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me. Rodney Dangerfield
“ I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it. Rodney Dangerfield
“ My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home. Rodney Dangerfield
“ I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest. Rodney Dangerfield
“ It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass. Rodney Dangerfield
“ When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back Rodney Dangerfield
“ Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid. Rodney Dangerfield
“ My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend. Rodney Dangerfield
