Top Humour Quotes

An avalanche is just a snowflake that got pissed off.

Bad habits have brought me this far: why change such a tried-and-true formula?

Exceed expectations" is such a lispy term. I hope that it never infiltrates the bedroom or sport.

Humour sustains us during failure; more so after success, when we're prone to fail that much more, daring abyss, pumped up with success.

Do not fall in love.....it means you have to look at someone else.

We came from nothing, we'll leave with nothing; might as well make the most of the brief somethingness in between

The reason God never fails is because he fears to fail

My dear, I don't care what they do, so long as they don't do it in the street and frighten the horses

I get my share of mud flung my way, but the secret is to dance in the rain and the mud will wash away.

Absurd laughter is a kind of protest against an absurd existence.

Scotland is a soggy sort it place, where birds and animals walk around uncooked

Novelist Peter de Vries like Adlai Stevenson and Mark Twain has suffered from the American assumption that anyone with a sense of humour is not to be taken seriously.

I doubt very seriously whether anyone will hire me.'What do you mean, babe? You a fine boy with a good education.'Employers sense in me a denial of their values.' He rolled over onto his back. 'They f...

And it's no use putting her on her honour, because——''Because she hasn't any,' Philip finished.'I wouldn't say that,' said the parrot, 'of anybody. I'd only say we haven't come across it.

Because we live in a world under siege, I say. Life sucks for mages and magicians- taught me that. Bad things happen to those of us who get involved, but if we didn't fight, we'd be in an even worse...

Can you tell me the difference between a witch and a wizard?Sure, a wizard is what they call you when they want to hire you, and a witch is what they call you when they're getting ready to run you out...

Colon thought Carrot was simple. Carrot often struck people as simple. And he was.Where people went wrong was thinking that simple meant the same thing as stupid.

He wondered often how he would ever recognize the first chill, flush, twinge, ache, belch, sneeze, stain, lethargy, vocal slip, loss of balance or lapse of memory that would signal the inevitable begi...

I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.

I've decided to call him Norbert,' said Hagrid, looking at the dragon with misty eyes. 'He really knows me now, watch. Norbert! Norbert! Where's Mummy?''He's lost his marbles,' Ron muttered in Harry's...