So off had gone John to the wars again. But he had not remained for long in the position of a humble volunteer. Colonel Clifton, commanding the 1st Regiment of Dragoons, no sooner heard that Crazy Jac...
There! Now we're friends! declared the minx. Say you're sorry about my sister -I am desolated!That's a good boy!
There’s a saying in Hardorn, she continued. ‘You shouldn’t attempt to teach a goat to sing. It will waste your time, hurt your ears, and annoy the goat.’ I can say without fear of contradiction that t...
You want fantasy? Here's one... There's this species that lives on a planet a few miles above molten rock and a few miles below a vacuum that'd suck the air right out of them. They live in a brief geo...
People throw stones at you and you convert them into milestones.
Consider with thyself; as the rain is more than the drops, and as the fire is greater than the smoke; but the drops and the smoke remain behind: so the quantity which is past did more exceed.
Staring at my smoldering hot date, her husband stands tall for the first time in a decade, adjusting his toupee while flashing a horrid green toothy grin that looks more like a Steven Hawkins muscle s...
The Brit's face shares a heritage with a junkyard butt-sniffing mutt. It's a hard-earned moonshine mug, dotted with a hairy mole that looks like a rat's been gnawing on it. His beard looks like a whit...
You know what they say, Two pairs a company, cheese a croud
Happiness is waking up, looking at the clock and finding that you still have two hours left to sleep.
I always wanted to be a juvenile delinquent but my parents wouldn't let me.
Life is serious but art is fun!
No," he said, "look, it's very, very simple ... all I want ... is a cup of tea. You are going to make one for me. Keep quiet and listen." And he sat. He told the Nutri-Matic about India, he told it ab...
I was very surprised when last I bought a packet of cigarettes and had to request a refund as I read a warning that told me "smoking can cause fatal lung cancer".
What's happened is somewhere, along the line, as a society, we confused the notion of 'home' with the possibility of 'an investment opportunity'. What kind of creature wants to live in an 'investment...
...You haven't I suppose ever mixed with politicians at close quarters. They're awful...their stupidity is inhuman.
I think I know where my life went wrong. For all the world's a stage and I'm a lousy actor!
Life without a pasta machine is like life without music!
Scott, if your life had a face, I would punch it. I would punch your life in the face.
Failure is something you experience on your way to success - unless you're a skydiver.
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