“ The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver. Jay Leno
“ The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin. Jay Leno
“ Elections in L.A. are so different. Here you've got politicians with phony smiles making false promises to voters with fake boobs and bad toupees. Jay Leno
“ The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular. Jay Leno
“ L.A.'s large convenience stores are so big they can accommodate up to twenty armed robbers at one time. Jay Leno
“ Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution. Jay Leno
“ New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive. Jay Leno
“ With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides,flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from oneend to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terroristattacks, "Are we… Jay Leno
“ CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it. Jay Leno
“ They keep talking about drafting a constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys. It's worked for over 200 years, and Hell, we're not using it a… Jay Leno
“ Let me give you an idea how long ago they got married. You know where they met? . . . At a Cubs World Series game. Jay Leno
“ Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they're getting back together. You know what that means? There's still hope for Ike and Tina Turner. Jay Leno
