Top Humour Quotes

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

Anyone who thinks money can't buy happiness has never owned a cat [or any pet].

My point is that I am going to figure this out, like I always do. First, we’re going to find a way to get into Artemisia. We’re going to find Cress and rescue Cinder and Wolf. We’re going to overthrow...

Manager! Have brain - use it!

I grab at Smitty and he at me, and, for one horrible, deperately embarrassing second we fly into each others arms like Shaggy and Scooby Don't.

Naw, I say. Mr ____, can tell you, I don't like it at all. What is it to like? He git up on you, heist your nightgown round your waist, plunge in. Most times I pretend I ain't there. He never know the...

There's nothing deeper than love. In fairy tales, the princesses kiss the frogs, and the frogs become princes. In real life,the princesses kiss princes, and the princes turn into frogs.

A heart? Peppone knows where one is to be met with. There is always someone in the black market in need of dying early.

If heaven really exists: then heaven is the job, hell is unemployment, while life is merely an interview.

Chic rarely bothers to leave the Rue De Faubourg Saint-Honore.

And Raphael will be joining us, Andrea said. So you get twice the backup. Nobody will be killing you on our watch.So that was what this was all about. I got a cookie after all. Aww. I had no idea you...

Get back in my cot, girl," said Gilsa. "You're sickly."No, I'm not," said Ani.Oh, no? Well, maybe stubbornness is a sickness, did you ever think of that?

don't make me throw my boot at you, because I will, you grumpy high testosterone driven male

I don't know the rules of grammar. If you're trying to persuade people to do something, or buy something, it seems to me you should use their language.

The old who refuse to die merely on principle live on forever, to hate life and complain of all the things they could have been spared had they the good sense to die young.

Money's scarceTimes are hardHere's your fuckingXmas card

That money talks, I'll not deny, I heard it once: It said, 'Goodbye'.

It may take a village to raise a baby, but hell! it takes an army to produce a book.

Pissing is the least of my talents. You ought to see me shit

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.