Top Humour Quotes

As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread.

An extreme fearfulness moves through all your body, and your mind is troubled more.

To talk well and eloquently is a very great art, but that an equally great one is to know the right moment to stop.

Most people would rather eat inside a windowless room in which they have just defecated than eat inside one in which someone else has just farted, even if the room does not have a toilet.

Being rich or famous is the only profound thing that some people have ever said.

Was it my fault that I got out of hand?--Loki

If you’re listening to this, congratulations! You survived Doomsday.I’d like to apologize straightaway for any inconvenience the end of the world may have caused you. The earthquakes, rebellions, riot...

Our problems started in Dallas, when the fire-breathing sheep destroyed the King Tut exhibit.

I have been told the best things in life are free ~ I found them very expensive.

...methinks the older that one grows, Inclines us more to laugh the scold, though laughterLeaves us so doubly serious shortly after.

(Kaylee) Tell me I'm pretty, Wash.(Wash) Were I unwed I would take you in a manly fashion.(kaylee) Because I'm pretty?(Wash) Because you're pretty.

Showing off is more ridiculous in instances where the thing that is being shown off was bought on credit.

Some people are each holding on to a lover of theirs who no longer loves them and/or who they no longer love, only because they do not want to have a reason or another reason to be jealous of the pers...

Strange bent over these things, with a concentration to rival Minervois's own, questioning, criticizing and proposing. Strange and the two engravers spoke French to each other. To Strange's surprize C...

The hardest part about walking away from someone is the part where you realize that, no matter how slowly you go, they will never run after you.

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who love chocolate, and communists.

It comes in pints?

The real reason the number of things that are shared via social media every single minute is so astronomical is because, whenever they each do, most users do not share or say something because they be...

Humour, if one looks into it, is principally a matter of retrospect.

Bob loses saving throw vs. shiny with a penalty of -5. Bob takes 2d8 damage to the credit card.