Of all the things I miss the thing I miss the most is my mind.
My health is good it's my age that's bad.
At eighty-eight how do you feel when getting up in the morning? . . . Amazed!
He's so old his social security number is two digits.
Sometimes I feel that I'm not just aging . . . I'm decomposing.
My notion of a wife at forty is that a man should be able to change her like a banknote for two twenties.
Middle age is when your old classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you.
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
When I think of my dad as a little boy I tend to think of him in black and white.
She claims she just turned thirty but it must have been a U-turn!
To what do you attribute your advanced age? Well I suppose I must attribute it to the fact that I have not died.
The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always asked to do things and you are not yet decrepit enough to turn them down.
It's an awful thing to grow old by yourself. My wife hasn't had a birthday in seven years.
I'm sixty-five but if there were fifteen months in every year I'd only be forty-eight.
Try to accept each other for what you are and don't point out the fact that the hair he's losing on his head is now growing out of his nose - and his ears.
Enjoy how sweet how thoughtful how kind I'm being on your birthday. Because tomorrow it's back to the same old crap.
Middle age is when anything new in the way you feel is most likely a symptom.
Actually being sixty-five isn't so bad. As a matter of fact I rather like being called a sexagenarian. At this time of life it sounds like flattery.
Middle age is when your narrow waist and broad mind begin to change places.
The secret to longevity is to keep breathing.
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