When Julia Child was asked to what she credited her longevity she replied "Red meat and gin."
She was born in the year of our Lord only knows. The years that a woman subtracts from her age are not lost. They are added to other women's.
There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two.
Actually being sixty-five isn't so bad. As a matter of fact I rather like being called a sexagenarian. At this time of life it sounds like flattery.
Middle age is when anything new in the way you feel is most likely a symptom.
There are three ages of man: youth middle age and "Gee you look good."
I'm sixty-five but if there were fifteen months in every year I'd only be forty-eight.
As one cat said to another: Birthdays are like fur balls - the more you have the more you gag.
Remember when we used to laugh at old people when we were young? Do you recall what was so funny?
Women don't get a tattoo. That butterfly looks great on your breast when you're twenty or thirty but when you get to be seventy it stretches into a condor.
We've reached an age that when construction workers stare at us it's because they figure we might be considering a remodeling job.
I was going to take you out to lunch for your birthday . . . but you already are.
Life begins at fifty but so does bad eyesight arthritis and the habit of telling the same story three times to the same listeners.
Try to accept each other for what you are and don't point out the fact that the hair he's losing on his head is now growing out of his nose - and his ears.
If you think a lot of the comments made tonight are not funny but are immature and tasteless that's only because the sense of humor is the first thing to go.
Middle age is when you have met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else and usually is.
I stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
The age of some women is like the speedometer on a used car - you know it's set back but you don't know how far.
When we're young we want to change the world. When we're old we want to change the young.
Once my wife gave me a wonderful birthday present. She let me win an argument.