Father reading report card: One thing in your favor - with these grades you couldn't possibly be cheating.
speaker: I have only ten minutes and hardly know where to begin. voice in back: Begin at the ninth.
Marriage is like a violin. After the beautiful music is over the strings are still attached.
You know you're getting older when you don't care where your wife goes just so you don't have to go along.
The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a male is when he's a baby.
she: Before we got married you told me you were well-off. he: I was and I didn't know it.
By the time a man can afford to lose a golf ball he can't hit that far.
There's another advantage in being poor. The doctor will cure you faster.
Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it.