Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep.
Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.
I liked making people laugh, and I decided I was an atheist early on. My Dad was all right with that. We argued about it all the time, but it was good-natured. He was the most open-minded human being...
Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.
The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.
The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter.
Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.
It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.
Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.
The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.
Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukkah' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and dr...
The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number.
There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. If the man has a brain in his head, he will hang up the phone immediately.
Apparently he was not the sharpest quill on the porcupine if you get my drift.
I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.
We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.
The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins.
