Since the house is on fire let us warm ourselves.
My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.
Her face was her chaperone.
Epigram: a wisecrack that has played Carnegie Hall.
A dimple in the chin a devil within.
The blind man is laughing at the bald head.
Evil spelled backward is live.
I don't deserve this but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.
Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising.
I had always assumed that cliche was a suburb of Paris until I discovered it to be a street in Oxford.
The ugliest of trades have their moments of pleasure. Now if I was a grave digger or even a hangman there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.
While you're saving your face you're losing your ass. Never trust a man whose eyes are too close to his nose. I never trust a man unless I've got his pecker in my pocket. Better inside the tent pissin...
Epitaph to a waiter: By and by God caught his eye.
Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell, and advertise.
Bland as a Jesuit sober as a hymn.
'Are you lost daddy?' I asked tenderly. 'Shut up ' he explained.
Equal opportunity is good but special privilege even better.
An indecent mind is a perpetual feast.
A diplomat these days is nothing but a head waiter who is allowed to sit down occasionally.
Judge Crater - please call your office.
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