Top Humour Quotes

Stone me, what a life!

Just answer the questions so I can get the fuck out of this backwards shithole before I start wanting to root a goat and marry my own brother.

Ever since I discovered that my god given male member was going to give me no peace, I decided to give it no rest in return.

Giving up drinking for life is easy.I've done it loads of times.

i { } you more than {(({ }))}

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

If you were given the chance to be reborn after your death, buy you could only come back as a squirrel, would you complain?

is it a big ass firm or a big firm ass?

And I thought kitty liter was the unlawful practice of discarding small felines along the roadside.

I'm on a roller coaster which only goes up my friend

I love therapy. I don't get the taboo about seeking therapy at all. It's exactly like taking Buzzfeed quizzes. At the end of the day, we all want to know what cocktail we are. But it means so much mor...

Of all the things I expected to find in my lunch, a live snake wasn't one of them.

I am the sum of my past experience.Some people have got a lot to answer for.

Frankly speaking, I'm not afraid of death. I don't endeavour to avert its advent. But I don't want to be a witness of it.

being funny is actually all about thinking "what if ?" in a creative way.

There are things of deadly earnest that can only be safely mentioned under cover of a joke.

Contrary to popular belief, people always say "It was a pleasure doing business with you". It is the only thing that has stayed with me after an assignment. Always mix business with pleasure. That is...

I think if you come from a history of persecution you have to develop a sense of humour.

A text pops up on the screen. It’s from Luis. I can’t help but grin when I read his perfectly thought-out message.

Dios mio, I think my brother lost his balls somewhere between here and Mexico. Or maybe Brittany has them zipped inside that fancy purse (of hers).