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It's very important my parent's don't think I'm starting to fall in love with people, because then they might notice that I'm growing up, and I'm kind of trying to keep it a secret. I think it will ca...
It kind of struck me how great it would be to go out with a guy that size. And if you, you know, got tired of dating him, you could always use him as a house or something.
Absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder. It makes people think you're dead.
If it's sanity you're after There's no recipe like Laughter. Laugh it off.
A comedian is a fellow who finds other comedians too humorous to mention.
Humour is the most engaging cowardice. With it myself I have been able to hold some of my enemy in play far out of gunshot.
Thanks to my solid academic training, today I can write hundreds of words on virtually any topic without possessing a shred of information, which is how I got a good job in journalism.
...the more of a fool a man is, the less he cares to look like one
There's only one thing in life more dangerous than a bad idea, and that's a good one.
If you feel that you can solve others problems, then please, work little more on your own problems and solve them first.
Stop worrying about life, no one survived it.
Life without a pasta machine is like life without music!
Colourful lips are pretty, child but they also speak colourful lies.
Nothing can be more notorious than the calumnies and invectives with which the wisest measures and most virtuous characters of The United States have been pursued and traduced [By American Newspapers]
Democracy means the opportunity to be everyone's slave.
I think I know where my life went wrong. For all the world's a stage and I'm a lousy actor!
I know stealing a foot is weird. But, hello, living in a house where a foot is available to be stolen is weird.
Yes, you may ask my name but only if you can tell me: are your thighs as fine as a fresh, crisp morning in early July?
I believe in myself like a five-year-old believes in himself. They say look at me, look at me! Then they do a flip in the backyard. It won't even be that amazing, but everyone will be clapping for the...