Well, dearest, what would you tell a farmer who had an over-abundant harvest? To plant less, of course!...I am not complaining about the frequency of the planting, she said. I’d just rather not reap a...
Suddenly he caught his reflection in the mirror behind her. His face was twisted into a dark scowl, and he was standing there naked, with a boner, and another man’s business card in his hand.He looked...
I think she’s too ignorant to be a witch.
Go Ahead, call me all the names you want, Sansa said airily. You won't dare when I'm married to Joffrey. You'll have to bow and call me Your Grace. She shrieked as Arya flung the orange across the tab...
The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.
If there's anything I hate it's the word humorist - I feel like countering with the word seriousist.
I have no problem with god - it's his fan club that scares me.
Anyone who says "Trust me" is the last motherfucker you should ever trust.
I don't talk ill about people I don't know," said Bartleby. "I only disparage them in silence and hope they die.
Maxim 16: Your name is in the mouth of others: be sure it has teeth.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries
I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.
I'm thinking that I shouldn't have filed my nails last night.
They say that maths is a language. So how do I order a pizza with extra cheese in maths?
Oh, come on Em." He stopped walking and looked me in the eyes. His own were dark and shiny. "You know how I feel about you," he muttered."I do?"He stepped closer and whispered, "When you're around, mu...
What the hell am I doing...? Escape holding myself as a hostage...? I won't be able to make it like that...
These be they that have put off the mortal clothing, and put on the immortal, and have confessed the name of God: now are they crowned, and receive palms.
I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.
Walking the plank is a Victorian fiction, and I will not have it on my ship!
The thing about a diversion is that it has to be diverting.
My shining dishonesty will be the salvation of me.