I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability.
You realise you’re going to owe me dinner after this, right?How does McDonald’s sound?Inadequate.
The voice of a donkey braying in the neighbouring meadow seemed like the mocking laughter of demons.
The awful part of the writing game is that you can never be sure the stuff is any good.
I jumped on Sinbad's bottle. Nothing happened. I didn't do it again. Sometimes when nothing happened it was really getting ready to happen
A nonhuman animal had better have a good lawyer. In 1508, Bartholomé Chassenée earned fame and fortune for his eloquent representation of the rats of his French province. These rats had been charged w...
One loses so many laughs by not laughing at oneself.
Humour is an affirmation of dignity a declaration of man's superiority to all that befalls him.
It is observed that Failed people can give a successful talk on hardwork.
Percy looked at his friends. "I'm getting tired of this guy's shirt.""Combat time?" Piper grabbed her horn of plenty."I hate wonder bread," Jason said.Together, they charged.
Writing is lonely. Until that moment you write your first character and suddenly you have company.
God is funny. He had a funny day when he made me. A funny, thoughtful, crazy day. He gave me a physique by which I would be so easily and so quickly judged, then gave me a mind by which I would so dee...
Anyone who says "Trust me" is the last motherfucker you should ever trust.
Be the reason someone smiles today. Or the reason they drown in a book. Whatever works.
Absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder. Absence makes the bloody penis wander. ~ Heartbreak's A Bitch!
There's only one thing to do in crisis like this - SLEEP ON IT!Garfield, the cat.
There are only three rules in life. Traffic is real, Fire Burns and You Cannot Fly
R.I.P.Tom Conlon O'Rourke.Not Dead, just Sleeping.
I think that people's sexual preferences are a legitimate subject for humour, dirty humour if at all possible.
I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.