Can I borrow fifty bucks?What?I’m short until payday.You’re short every day.
A nonhuman animal had better have a good lawyer. In 1508, Bartholomé Chassenée earned fame and fortune for his eloquent representation of the rats of his French province. These rats had been charged w...
He deserves paradise who makes his companions laugh.
I always reminded myself that this wasn't exactly where I was meant to be, but pit stops are okay on the road of life, aren't they?
The codfish lays ten thousand eggs.The homely hen lays one.Codfish never cackles to tell you what she has done.And so we scorn the codfish,while the humble hen we prize,which only goes to show you tha...
I tried to think outside the box but couldn't open the lid.
Once there was an elephant,Who tried to use the telephant-No! no! I mean an elephoneHe tried to use the telephone-(Dear me! I am not certain quiteThat even now I've got it right.)Howe'er it was, he go...
On the sixth day god created man,on the seventh day man created god.Now we are even.
i { } you more than {(({ }))}
There are only three rules in life. Traffic is real, Fire Burns and You Cannot Fly
Humanity, let us say, is like people packed in an automobile which is traveling downhill without lights at terrific speed and driven by a four-year-old child. The signposts along the way are all marke...
If wishes were horses, I'd need a very big stable.
Maxim 8: Mockery and derision have their place. Usually, it's on the far side of the airlock.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries
The government are tightening up on ID for sales of tobacco and alcohol so I recommend that young people take more drugs.
If every vampire who said he was at The Crucifixion, was actually there, it would have been like Woodstock . . .
InsomniaI cannot get to sleep tonight.I toss and turn and flop.I try to count some fluffy sheepwhile o'er a fence they hop.I try to think of pleasant dreamsof places really cool.I don't know why I can...
The grain of evil seed had been sown in the heart of Adam from the beginning, and how much ungodliness had it brought up unto this time? and how much shall it yet bring forth until the time of threshi...
Ask the womb of a woman, and say unto her, If thou bring forth children, why dost thou it not together, but one after another? pray her therefore to bring forth ten children at once.
The teller of a mirthful tale has latitude allowed him. We are content with less than absolute truth.
Your fate is writ clear;you will be murdered. I cannot conceive how it comes about that you were not murdered long since! How odd!Charles himself once said that to me, or something like it! There is n...