If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.
If you can't say "Fuck" you can't say, "Fuck the government.
Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.
I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like "What I'm Going to be If I Grow Up
In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.
(On his addiction to opiods): I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.
There are never enough I Love You's.
The whole motivation for any performer is 'Look at me Ma.'
The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.
The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be,' there is only what is.
All my humor is based on destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I'd be standing in the bread line - right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.
Communism is like one big phone company.
The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.
The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it...try to fake three laughs in an hour -- ha ha ha ha ha -- they'll take you away, man. You can't.
When you're eight years old nothing is your business.
Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish