My congratulations to you, sir. Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good.
Not that my regularly scheduled life was so great, but it beat getting judged unworthy by twelve bearded guys named Erik.
I looked at the stained-glass image of the lamb in the window above me, but that only reminded me that lambs are famous for being led to slaughter, or sometimes hanging out with lions in ill-advised r...
I can tell you that if there’s nothing wrong with you except fat it is easy to get thin. You eat and drink the same as always, only half. If you are handed a plate of food, leave half; if you have to...
As usual, he saves his wife's for last. He leans on the cane and he looks at the headstone and he thinks about many things. Taffy. He thinks about taffy. He thinks it would take his teeth out now, but...
You can pretend to be serious but you can't pretend to be witty.
we live in a world where singles are more sexual active than couples
I've always liked Belgian waffles, but I must say, I didn't think I would one day be having Belgian waffles in Belgium! I just sort of POOF found myself there and there I was with a gigantic Belgian w...
The forgiveness of God flows through me and because I am forgiven, I can forgive.
If the most High grant thee to live, thou shall see after the third trumpet that the sun shall suddenly shine again in the night, and the moon thrice in the day:
Humour is the only test of gravity and gravity of humour for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Every discussion with a girl is an argument, and when you think you are right suddenly you realize that your trapped.
Advertising - A judicious mixture of flattery and threats.
It were better that we were not at all, than that we should live still in wickedness, and to suffer, and not to know wherefore.
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
Idiots emit bogons, causing machinery to malfunction in their presence. System administrators absorb bogons, letting machinery work again.
As a youth I enjoyed — indeed, like most of my contemporaries, revered — the agitprop plays of Brecht, and his indictments of Capitalism. It later occurred to me that his plays were copyrighted, and t...
Can we just be grateful for beauty & joy, fascination & tolerance, humour & love, nature & grace, and simply release any anger and pains?
My words always get me into troubles. And if not my words, it is my facial expressions.
Go thy way to a woman with child, and ask of her when she had fulfilled her nine months, if her womb may keep the birth any longer within her.