How'd you get to be so good at this?I had a good teacher.Better not have been Myrnin or I'll have to kick his predatory ass.I mean you, dummy.Oh.
Her engagement ring has a Dwayne Johnson of a diamond on it...
(superl.) Droll; comical; amusing; laughable.
(n.) A clinkerbuit, narrow boat for sculling.
Dear Josh, we stopped by to fuck you but you didn't answer the door. Therefore you are gay. Sincerely, Tiffany and Amber.
Wisdom of the Ages: "Unsuccessful pick-up lines" 'My parole ends today, let's celebrate!
always schedule your comeback.
Airplanes may kill you, but they ain't likely to hurt you.
Kicking a police car? Really?' Caleb shrugged. 'Car offended me. It was sitting right where I wanted to stand. What would you do?
When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back
Wise men don't feel companionless when they are not in the company of their egos.
It's so funny when you're actually directing because things start popping that you don't expect to pop, and something that you think is going to pop, maybe doesn't quite have the impetus that you thou...
Laughter is involuntary. If it's funny you laugh.
Everything seems fine until you're about 40. Then something is definitely beginning to go wrong. And you look in the mirror with your old habit of thinking, 'While I accept that everyone grows old and...
Being funny with a funny voice is more my comfort zone, a broader character that I try to humanize, a kind of silly or wacky persona that I try to fill in.
I think when you do comedy, you play by a different set of rules. No one really wants you to be in that good shape. Being in good shape implies a level of vanity that isn't necessarily funny.
There's also a certain rhythm to the way Jews talk that might be funny.
There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.
I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.
One man's folly is another man's wife.
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.