“ Wisdom of the Ages: "Valentine's Day" Because she never forgets, especially if you do. Matthew Heines
“ You have heard about the reindeer that pull old Santa's sled. But mostly I hate Rudolph and wish that he were dead. With his nose of red which we all know just can't be true. I wish someone would just… Mark W. Boyer
“ Are you afraid of the future? That is funny because future does not exist yet! Future is not even a shadow, because shadow exists! Let go your fear and concentrate on the present time! Mehmet Murat ildan
“ Having a kid is like an industrial revolution of the emotions. Suddenly you can mass produce worry, and guilt. S.K. Tremayne
“ That spot was taken," Kara sat up to look at them. Stylized, short, black hair with bangs. Piercing blue eyes. Proper posture. Lean. It was Oliver. "I don't think a bag counts as a person," he smiled… Alexis Tiger
“ I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers. Rodney Dangerfield
“ I don't think of myself as a comedian, but as an artist, a scientist and chemist who just happens to be funny. I started doing stand-up to add another level to my game. I feel that I'm a young rookie… Marlon Wayans
“ It's harder to be funny if you're handsome than if you're very normal-looking. It's just more relatable. You're the underdog. I mean it's funny to see people struggle, and you don't buy that Brad Pitt… Jonah Hill
“ The surprising thing is that I was not funny in high school. I was always jealous of the funny kids because they always got the girls. I couldn't tell a joke to save my life. Seann William Scott
“ A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. Lana Turner
“ I had no idea how to respond, and opted for a smile, which serves me well on most occasions (not if it's something to do with death or illness, though -- I know that now.) Gail Honeyman
“ Vers libre, (free verse) or nine-tenths of it, is not a new metre any more than sleeping in a ditch is a new school of architecture. G.K. Chesterton
