Stealing, you'll go far in life. Actually, there is something funny about getting away with it.
I was not particularly bright, I wasn't very athletic, I was a little too tall, odd, funny looking, I was just really weird as a kid.
(superl.) Droll; comical; amusing; laughable.
(n.) A clinkerbuit, narrow boat for sculling.
Most of the gaffes I've made have not been funny - they've been stupid.
I've been to many funerals of funny people, and they're some of the funniest days you'll ever have, because the emotions run high.
People often ask me how I make things funny. I don't make things funny.
I find it so funny that people find me so interesting.
Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.
I'm odd looking. Sometimes I think I look like a funny muppet.
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
Minutes passed by. A little blue butterfly landed on my nose. I blinked at it and it fluttered to my ear. A big yellow butterfly gently floated over and landed on my paw. Soon a whole swarm of them fl...
Ty grabbed my phone and threatened to tell Otter that I liked being spanked during sex.This proceeded to lead up on a long tangent where I had to have him explain to me how he knows about stuff like p...
A joke is a way to say, 'I'm going to do something funny now. If I don't get a laugh at the end, I'm a failure.'
Wisdom of the Ages: "Humility" If you don't have it, you're gonna get it.
Dear DiaryWent out shopping today. Picked up half a dozen sheep, two pigs, and a princess. The sheep are rather depressingly thin, the pigs and princess only slightly less so. Dear DiaryWent out shopp...
Writers don't get mad they get even in their novels.
She cannot: but must do it by distance of time.
The land, that thou see now to have root, shall thou see wasted suddenly.
Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.
I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like, and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm not as funny as I could be.
When I was a kid I didn't feel like I fit in because - this is really silly and I probably shouldn't say it, but, I didn't think anything was funny. So I used to go home and literally cry to my mom an...