Top Funny Quotes

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I think 'Saturday Night Live', starting in the 1970s, really gave women an outlet to be funny. A lot of those women went on to have film careers, from Kristen Wiig now to Tina Fey and Gilda Radner.

Funny Definition

(superl.) Droll; comical; amusing; laughable.

(n.) A clinkerbuit, narrow boat for sculling.

Sometimes I think what I write is funny in its quiet way.

I think so, she [Claire] said. Just watch your back, okay? Nah, Michael’s got mine. He [Shane] looked straight into her eyes.I’ve got yours.

I do not do free e-books. I occasionally like to eat that thing you people call "food".

We are all copy cats. The only original 'thing' is God, And "him", hell, most of us know as little as we know cats.

The government of my country snubs honest simplicity but fondles artistic villainy, and I think I might have developed into a very capable pickpocket if I had remained in the public service a year or...

I beseech thee, O Lord, let me have understanding: For it was not my mind to be curious of the high things, but of such as pass by us daily.

O Lord that bear rule, who may know these things, but he that had not his dwelling with men?

I like marriage. The idea.

That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.

You’re not the only one in this relationship who loves achallenge, he says. And just so you know for the future, I like my double-chocolate chipcookies warm and soft in the middle . . . and without ma...

You take a very handsome guy, or a guy that thinks he's a real hot-shot, and they're always asking you to do them a big favor. Just because they're crazy about themself, they think you're crazy about...

Barzûl!

You can't really be strong until you see a funny side to things.

I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.

What in the fuck are you?

He raised his hand in a peaceful gesture. You need to relax a bit, dove. Like Mouse over there. You trust me, don't you, Mouse?Nope!Ahhh, I'm hurt. Nobody likes me.

Sqwaak!" from Fletcher, the environmental crime fighting parrot in The Big Belch graphic novel by Kay Wood.