I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same fifty percent rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the...
There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Two reasons: First of all, I think he's a good actor, okay? To me, that counts. Second, he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't fuck around. I...
In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
You're just another american who is willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick being shoved up your asshole every day... The owners of this country know the truth... it's called the Americ...
I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Life is sacred"? Who said so? God? Hey, if you read history, you realize that God is one of the leading causes of death! Has been for thousands of years! Hindus, Muslims, Jews, Christians; all taking...
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
Religion is just mind control.
Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain,For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain.America, America, man sheds his waste on thee,And hides the pines with billboard signs, fro...
Bullshit is the glue that binds us as a nation.
The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.